Where Are the Brothers?

Excerpt from Dr. Michael Eric Dyson’s book “The Michael Eric Dyson Reader”.

“Look at me,” the sister blurted in exasperation. “It’s Saturday night, and I can’t buy a date.”

She attended a black tie in Chicago that the 100 Black Men of Chicago sponsored. The even drew many of Chicago’s elite, prominent clergy, physicians, entrepreneurs, and politicians. Her skin was brown and smooth-all sweet chocolate dipped into sensuous ebony hues – and her sparkling eyes set like flaming candles above her arching cheekbones. Her hair was a stylish black splash, with her limbs elegantly gesturing and her hands delicately pointing as her painted, manicured nails punctuated her message. As we talked for half an hour, it was clear that she was not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also bright as all outdoors, down-to-earth but schooled, witty and urbane but a true home girl, used to the corporate game she played as an executive but wearing her status loosely. Highly intelligent, educated, perceptive, in love with her people, down for the cause, a lover of black men-and she was alone, by herself, without a date in sight on a Saturday evening that brimmed with romantic promise.

 ”What am I supposed to do?” she asked me. “I’m not trying to get married tomorrow-I’m not pressuring black men that way. I just want somebody to spend some time with, someone with whom I can have a good discussion and a good meal, and somebody I can laugh with. I just want a date, for God’s sake, not a husband!”

Can any of you ladies relate to this story?

 

Adversity: There is a Silver Lining

I don’t quite see dead people as yet…but a few more months of this and I’ll be one of them!”

Adversity is defined as a state or condition contrary to one of well-being or an instance of misfortune. Well…that sounds about right. I just seem to have used up my quota– and that of a few friends and family members as well.

The scripture states “All things work together for good for they who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” Until recently I had issues with that scripture because it just didn’t make sense to me. My thoughts ran the gamut of, I’m almost homeless and that has a purpose? I don’t quite see dead people as yet, but gimmie a few more months of this and I’ll be one of them…this has a purpose? My fiance is about to become a father, and I’m not pregnant, umm…still searching for the purpose.

Sometimes it may be that we’re not in the right location, and we know it but we’re reluctant to move. So God allows the circumstance that causes us to move to where we’re supposed to be.

Sometimes, we may need to be cut off from all our tasks, duties, jobs, entertainment, so that we can spend time by ourselves and hear the voice of God.

Sometimes we may take credit for the gifts of God, so God allows the downsizing, the voice loss, the carpel tunnel, and so forth so that we may realize, that we of ourselves can do nothing with out Him.

But before we can find the silver lining in our adversity, we need to give into it. Give into it? Yes. Sometimes we’re so busy striving against the adversity we don’t pause to examine the purpose. Oops, I said the “P” word didn’t I?

Ah well, it can’t be avoided. Pausing the struggle takes our eyes off of the circumstance long enough so that we can see the underlying message. After coming out of two years of poverty and depression, I can now say that I truly understand that adversity is a tool that shows us exactly who we are so that the necessary process that leads to refinement can continue. So, no He doesn’t want or will bad to or for you or me, but when He allows it, I’ve learned three things:

• He doesn’t allow more than I can bear, so I take comfort in the knowledge that my God has confidence in me!
• Even when it breaks me down till I’m weakened and torn. I take courage in the knowledge that at my weakest His strength I’ll secure.
• Even when it seems to go on and on. I remind myself that although He never seems to come when I think He should, He always manages to be right on time!

 

How to Treat a Woman vs How to Treat a Man

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her, Dine her; Call her, Hold her; Surprise her, Compliment her; Smile at her, Listen to her; Laugh with her, Cry with her; Romance her, Encourage her; Believe in her, Pray with her; Pray for her, Cuddle with her; Shop with her, Give her jewelry; Buy her flowers, Hold her hand; Write love letters to her; and Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings.

I received the above post in an email from my group of sisters. Upon receipt, I cracked up at it, thinking to myself, “Ain’t that the truth!”

After the day was over and I was at home unwinding doing my reflection, it again crossed my mind, but this time I thought about it from the male’s point of view and this is what I came up with:

At the cost of being drummed out of the sisterhood club, I just want to give a holler to those (not all) sisters (females) who expect all of the nurturing above in exchange for some s*x and some take out (if he’s lucky). Now, I’m not gonna front, I’m not the cookingest sister in the world, but I can read a recipe at 55wpm.

Having become a Dear Abbyliqua or Dr. Ruthquisha of sorts in the online dating arena, I’ve heard just as many or maybe more, tales of woe from men who are raising their children without child support etc. (Blew my mind!)

Yes, as women, we’ve been mistreated, lied to, cheated on, abused, misused and more, but in our attempts to rise above our situations and circumstances, does it mean we have to grind the brothers (men) down, reduce them to the lowest common denominator?

Can our reclaiming our selfworth, declaration of respect for ourselves or covenant to hold men accountable for their actions not include respect for the men as well?

I don’t know about you, but downing someone else to make me feel better, hasn’t been working so far…has it for you?

I say we throw away the gender card and treat men, the way we want to be treated?

What say you?