The Call or “Before the Surrender”

 

“When

are you

going to

start

preaching?”

 

The morning of Good Friday in April, 2002 began just like any other:– I rolled over in my bed eyelashes fluttering rapidly as I peered myopically at the alarm clock. Satisfied that once again I’d beaten the alarm, I returned to my previous position and contemplated the ceiling as I prayed in my mind, good morning God! Then without interrupting the flow of my prayer, I reached over, beat the alarming clock into submission, and continued, I thank you for waking me up this morning… My prayer complete, I jumped out of bed, (actually more of a sideways shuffle) and headed for the bathroom. It was a day I anticipated with glee, a day devoted to God. My only complaint, why did it have to begin so early? Our family had begun a tradition of attending three services on Good Friday. One at 7 a.m. featuring all women preachers, another at 12 noon in a Senior Center; and the grand daddy of them all at 6 p.m. featuring seven heavy hitting preachers from the New York and New Jersey areas accompanied by seven bumping choirs (the equivalent of the Christian “Drop it Like it’s Hot”) After a rousing round of women who brought new revelation to the seven last words of Jesus on the Cross. One which stuck in my mind was delivered by Rev. Jackie McCullough who had the word “It is Finished!” — In her exposition, she posed the theory that becoming a Christian, finishes our lives as sinners, but our lives in Christ has just begun. This theory relegates the stagnancy of many believers and stuff and nonsense and points to the fact that mustard seed faith will get you into heaven, but great faith is what gets you through, here on earth. This was followed by a song entitled “Lord I’m Available to You” that talks about dedicating all the gifts we receive from God, back to use in His service, to reach His people who are brokenhearted and in need of freedom from whatever vices hold them down. I was in tears after that and pretty pensive as we traveled from the morning service to the noon service. Since it was located in a Senior Center, the church wasn’t as grand as the structure of the church hosting the morning service, but where there presence of the Lord is, there is reverence. With the high from the previous service still in full force, I sang more heartily than usual, I listened more attentively to each preacher, with the first preacher getting my attention, because his sermon was geared towards encouraging the youth, and as a former youth choir director and an overgrown kid myself, you say the word youth and you’ve got my attention. So after his sermon, I smiled in acknowledgment (kinda that “Good word sir!” thing we do) whenever our eyes met. Which seemed to be quite often, now that I think about it, but being used to folks staring at me, I didn’t really take it on. When it was my Pastor’s turn to render the word, I sang the song he’d requested entitled, “I Believe, So Why Should I Worry or Fret.” Upon resuming my seat, Minister no. 1 was still nodding and smiling at me, but since it wasn’t a lechorous look or smile, I continued smiling then refocused my attention to the word. ### Having congratulated all the ministers and schmoozed with their wives or choir members, I made a beeline for the most important section of the room. Nope, not the bathroom, the food table! I was almost there when I was intercepted by Minister no. 1 who shook my hand, smiled beatifically at me then asked, “When are you going to start preaching?â€? Stunned, I looked around to see if someone else had silently eased up behind me, but there was no one there. Even as I thought, he really must be short on conversational material, singing is my thing, I replied. “Me? Preaching? Where’d you get that idea? That’s not me, you saw what I do…I sing, that’s what I do.â€? Throwing up his hands in “I surrenderâ€? mode he said, “Don’t get mad at me, I’m just the messenger. I’m just telling you what God told me to tell you–that’s what I do.â€? I politely smiled, shook his hand again and hightailed it away from him and proceeded to avoid what I considered the “crazyâ€? man till we departed. Later that afternoon, on our break before attending the 6 p.m. Good Friday service, I told my sister and her husband of my conversation with the elderly minister concluding with, “If people don’t’ have anything to say, they really should just be quiet.â€? With that grand assessment I stormed upstairs to my apartment, congratulating myself on having nipped that nonsense in the bud. A month later, the nagging thought occurred. What if he wasn’t just making conversation?Again I thoroughly and ruthlessly squelched the idea of entertaining such a thought. Not me! Why would God…choose me I mean, I’ve been here for 37 years, I think I would have known by now of any leanings in that direction. Plus I’ve heard many extraordinary and captivating testimonies of “the callâ€? and so I just know that were I to be chosen, I would be alone not in a crowded room so I could say that God was probably talking to my neighbor and I overheard and I should expect nothing less than the halleluiah chorus to be played accompanied by a ray of light shining through a fluffy white cloud that would illuminate just me. Can you say wrong? I received “the callâ€? during one of the lowest periods of my life…

 

Yes…I WILL

To continue the discussions of Practicing Abstinence, Love – Part I and Love – Part II, let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time there was a woman named Lee, who was in a relationship with a man named Dom. Dom and Lee had been together for twelve years when Lee got a message from God. Now Lee was a Baptist and Dom was a Catholic (Catholics didn’t seem to be in on the whole message from God thingy, or maybe it was just Dom?)

Anyway, Lee attended church every Sunday and was very active in the choir and any church events that came up. Although she would invite Dom to attend church with her, aside from one or two visits, he declined her invitation on the regular.

 

Knowing that a family that prays together stays together, Lee made several visits to his church and although she considered some of the services quite dry, (No clapping, no amen’s…nothing) she was pleased to realize that no matter the delivery, God’s word stands on its own. Anyway, Lee told Dom about her message from God, which pretty much amounted to, “You’re fornicating…stop it…now!”

Needless to say, Dom was not a happy camper because he couldn’t understand what the big deal was all about (probably because Dom and Lee were scheduled to be married within six months). Dom reluctantly agreed to “project abstinence” probably thinking that he’d wear Lee down, eventually. The first week went by pretty well, but the second week began the question of parameters of “project abstinence.” The themes ranged from …”As long as there’s no penetration, it isn’t sex,” to “How about we watch each other…you know…”

Lee didn’t want to know, because she was experiencing a new lease on life. A new clarity of thought and spiritual and emotional well-being like she hadn’t experienced in years!

High on the hog and confident that Dom’s discontent was just a drop in the bucket, she never really noticed when Dom stopped asking. Or maybe she just thought that he was dealing as well. Then with the newfound clarity, she began to notice that Dom was doing things that would deliberately anger her, so that arguments would begin and he could exit the scene.

Lee realized that things were escalating to a breaking point, but determined to hold things together, she sucked up the strife, continued to be the peacemaker that she had always been and told herself only three more months. She then noticed that Dom, upped his game of “anger the fiancee” with really blatant, in your face, you-better pop-your neck-and-roll-your-eyes-at-me-or-you’re-not-a-strong-black-woman antics.

Lee finally gave in and told Dom that she wanted to speak with him. She gave him the it’s not working out speech and returned the quite ugly engagement ring. They both wept beautiful tears, hugged each other and said the placating words that people usually say at times like that, “I love you, but I guess, sometimes, love is just not enough” (What the heck is that crap?)

As she watched Dom, drive away, Lee felt two parts relief and one part disappointment. She knew that Dom had just angered her to the point of frustration, so that she would be the one to end the relationship, instead of him. She couldn’t help seeing that as a weak and less than a manly thing to do. She also figured, that twelve years, deserved more consideration than that.

She then went into her house and quietly told her mother and daughter that the relationship had ended, but in amicable manner. They rallied around her, and being the strong black woman that she was, she pooh poohed their pitying looks and comforting hugs and went into her bastion of solitude (bathroom), turned on the water and cried like a baby.

She considered it only correct when Dom called the next day, to see if she was alright. But when the phonecalls continued to come in everyday, as though nothing had changed and all was well, she began to unravel a bit and a bit of her lassitude, began to slide into the anger mode. But, being one to avoid a conflict, she simply began avoiding Dom’s phonecalls.

She thought that it was obvious that she didn’t want to speak with him, until he began calling her mother, her daughter, her sister, her brother-in-law and then her co-workers, to find out why Lee wasn’t returning or avoiding his phonecalls. Was the brother really that thick…or just insensitive?

All was well, for a little while, until Lee received a phonecall from Dom. He had news for her that he just had to tell her in person. Filled with triumph, Lee thinks to herself, I knew his a** would come crawling back, but I didn’t expect it this soon! She retained that sense of confidence, even as they met face to face and he stuttered and mumbled his way through the message of his impending fatherhood, as he looked at Lee with hopeful eyes.

Meanwhile, Lee is thinking to herself, “Oh heyell nawww, I know this negro is not standing in front of me, telling me that he’s gotten someone pregnant already! Wait…a minute…this sounds like overlap to me! I oughta, I should…nawww, going to jail over a no account man, is not really the game plan!” Face impassive, not displaying a lick of the thoughts and strong emotions going through her, she simply said, “Is that all? Thanks for sharing.” turned and went back into her house.

Once inside, she listened for the car engine which signaled his departure, then she finally allowed the anger she felt full reign and open her mouth to emit a silent scream. Two weeks later, via her mother, she learned that he was getting married to the “mother” of his child and wedding plans were in progress.

 

A month later as she packed her bags for the day and left her office, she knew that she was not returning, as she carefully placed one foot in front of the other, talking herself through making the trip home and into the sanctuary of her room, walking endless, slowly towards the moment in time she’d feared all her adult life…the moment where she quietly lost it.

It was there, sitting on her bed staring at the wall, her arms wrapped around herself, she rocked to and fro and allowed herself to acknowledge the emptiness that was her reality.The busyness of work no longer a shield, she faced herself for the first time in years and realized that she was angry! She wanted to know why? Why wasn’t I good enough Lord? Why wasn’t the love enough Lord? What’s wrong with me Lord? Maybe if I hadn’t told him the truth about my dad? Where were you Lord? When my life was going all to hell…where were you? You know what? I give up…I can’t take it anymore!

And as if those were the magic words necessary, Lee suddenly felt a warmth and a peace seeping into her being and wrapping itself around her mind and heart as before her very eyes a kaleidoscope of her life played and God showed her moments in her life unbeknowst to her, where He’d preserved her from harm. At that point, Lee was filled with contrition and repentance, and surrendered her will to God’s call on her life to be a minister of the gospel.

To Be continued…

 

 

A God Who Forgives

“Forgiveness – the act of excusing or pardoning others in spite of their slights, shortcomings, and errors. As a theological term, forgiveness refers to God’s pardon of the sins of human beings.”

At some point in our lives we’ve all been in the position of wanting forgiveness or being asked for forgiveness. Sometimes we give it, sometimes we withhold it, sometimes we receive it, and sometimes it is withheld from us.

In fact, I’d even be daring enough to say that one or two of you reading this article has had an act perpetrated against you that you find hard to forgive and just about impossible to forget. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that the perpetrator is probably lucky that the old eye-for-an-eye adage is no longer enforced, or they’d be utilizing a seeing-eye-dog, right about now.

 

But maybe you’ve been one of the lucky ones who made it through childhood without any major league traumatic experiences, but you just love to hold a grudge. If asked why you weren’t speaking to the grudgee, you probably couldn’t even say, because all you recall, is that somewhere, someway, somehow, and/or at some time, they hurt your feelings.

But for those of us who didn’t escape the trauma, how do you forgive the unforgivable? I mean, how do you forgive someone for taking, by force, that which you didn’t offer? How do you forgive the resultant self-hatred? How do you deal with the fact that the one who was supposed to protect you, instead violated you? How do you forgive the loss of hope? Or muffle the incessant refrain of “Why me…Lord?�

How do you forgive the husband or boyfriend who uses you as a punching bag, because he loves you, and you just keep on doing things to make him mad? How do you forgive the parents who abandoned you to the mercies of the state; The resultant bouncing around from foster home to foster home, where more often than not the foster parents cared more about the paycheck they received than your welfare?

How do you forgive the furtive gropings and invasion of your person you endured while being told it’s because I love you, but don’t tell anyone, because it’s too special to share so it’s our little secret? How do you forgive the best friend who should have had your back, but while you were working overtime to pay the bills, she was working overtime on your man?

How do you deal with these injustices?

May I suggest to you that it is possible to forgive what seems unforgivable? Am I denying the fact that you were hurt? No. Am I negating your pain? Never! But what I want to propose to you today, is that weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning! I know, beautiful prose! But what does it mean, really? I’m so glad you asked.

It means that your pain has a time limit, a season if you will, and a purpose under heaven. I’ll even go so far as to say that the catalyst for the cessation of pain is directly tied up in forgiveness. In order for you to move on to the next step, which is healing, you need to give the gift of forgiveness to the offender and most importantly, to yourself.

In my struggle to work towards forgiveness, I read and re-read Jesus’ last moments on the cross. I imagined there was some pain but I couldn’t quite empathize. The passion of Christ, I was told, which came out last year around Easter, did an excellent job of portraying His agony. I never did get to see it, because I’m a bit squeamish. But I just couldn’t let it go. After some rooting around on the web, I found this article which delineates the medical complaints of Jesus on the cross:

I don’t know about you but when I’m in pain, I’m short tempered (which means I’m less than my usual tactful self, even a little mean spirited, sort of that “misery loves company” mindset). I want to be alone, by myself. No hovering, no fussing, just thinking about no one else but me. Just a little bit short of a pity party.

After reading the true nature of Jesus’ injuries, and the fact that He refused the combination of gall and myrrh, which would have served to dull His pain, I found His fortitude and lack of vindictiveness uncommon. As I re-read the scriptures describing His last moments on the cross, I marveled at how He took time out to say “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.�

So, again I pose the question. How do you forgive the unforgivable? Or maybe I should ask. Is it really that hard to forgive? Or are you holding onto your hurt, out of habit? Might you just be holding on, because it’s all you’ve known for five, ten, fifteen or maybe even twenty years?

Has it become like a familiar companion? You know exactly what to expect from it. It won’t ever disappoint you; it’s there when you need it. As a reason not to try something new, or when you need a scapegoat for every thing that has ever gone wrong in your life. It’s there beside you as you watch the world go by, saying “if only�, “when I,� or “I could have.� Stunted, unmoving, crippled by your memories.

How do you forgive the unforgivable?

May I suggest that you follow the example of A God who forgives? One who has and will never ask of us, what He hasn’t done Himself, for He was fully God, yet fully man. He experienced every bit of agonizing pain the cross-offered, but still, His love for us superseded that of His pain, while He took time out to see to our forgiveness.

During His ministry, the question was asked, how often should I forgive…7 x 7? The answer was 70 x 7. I’m sure right now someone is thinking, but if I keep forgiving, they’ll keep on doing it! Maybe, but our forgiveness is dependent on our forgiving others. Even as we go to pray, if it comes to mind that we haven’t forgiven someone, we are to stop praying and forgive, in order to avoid any hindrance to our communication with God.

Unforgiveness hinders our communication with God? It most surely does. To remain unforgiving, you have to nurse the hurt, recall it quite frequently, harden your heart. In essence you slowly poison yourself with bitterness. The bitterness acts as a wall between God and us.

Why do we need to forgive?

Two reasons:

1. Matthew 6:14: which states “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you;�
2. Romans 6:23 states that “the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.� Which means that no matter how big or small the disobedience, the punishment is death. Right about here, we get comfortable, because we’re confident in the fact that we love God, haven’t murdered, raped, committed adultery, blasphemed against the Holy Spirit, robbed a bank, embezzled funds or run over anyone with our car. Which is all good, but don’t get too comfortable just yet. If you’ve never told a lie, been envious, run a red light, stolen a quarter from your parents, jaywalked, listened to gossip, failed to return a library book, cheated, or disobeyed God in any way; if you’ve done everything you were ever supposed to do every single time…then you have no need to forgive. But for the rest of us, the following are some practical steps towards the process of forgiveness:

• Choice — Decide you are going to forgive
• Love –Allow love to continue flowing – don’t shut down or close yourself off
• Faith — Realize that we forgive by faith, not by feeling: Utilizing faith allows us to act as if a thing is so, in order that it may become so. In other words…you may start out faking it, but your genuine desire to act on your faith will connect you to God’s store of faith for you.
• Obedience–We must forgive others if we don’t want to disobey God and break our fellowship with Him. As Christ forgave us without being asked we may need to forgive others who have not nor will ever ask our forgiveness. The forgiveness may be undeserved, but the reward of healing and reconciliation makes it worthwhile.
• Forget –You must be willing to forget past hurts. Forget about it. Stop willfully calling it to mind. Or if it does come to mind consciously replace it with a good memory or find something positive you learned out of the bad memory. You may even want to print out some scriptures dealing with forgiveness like Matt. 6:14, Romans 6:23 on an index card and carry it around with you, to whip out when needed.
• Prayer – Pray for the offender, a biggie, I know
• Turnover — Give the hurt to God. Resolve to let it go.

I think the hardest thing for me to get about forgiveness is that it wasn’t about me, it’s about obedience to God and in my obedience I reap the reward of being released from the yoke of my hurt. I had to realize that accepting grace meant I had to be responsible enough to show grace myself. I had to remind myself of how I felt when I discovered that no matter what I had done previously, God still loves me. Or if you can’t relate, I reminded myself that no matter what a screwup I was or still am at times, my family loves me.

Forgiveness is about passing on that kind of revelation, to others who have no concept of it themselves.

Maybe you’re on the top of someone’s feces list and you feel the weight of their unforgiveness. Or maybe you’re sitting there feeling the weight of the unforgiveness you have towards yourself, because sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

No worries, the only sin God will not forgive is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which is giving Satan credit for acts of God, accomplished by the Holy Spirit. This sin is unpardonable, not because God cannot or will not forgive such a sin but because such a hard-hearted person has placed Himself beyond the possibility of repentance and faith.

If you’re one who’s never accepted the forgiveness/salvation/justification/love of God. Trapped in the notion that you’re not worthy of forgiveness, because folks have told you repeatedly that you’re nothing, you’ve been nothing and you’ll never amount to anything and somewhere along the line, you started believing them. Or if you have accepted and got a little sidetracked and feel that you’ve tracked too far to return.

I’m here to assure you today that God is A God who forgives!

He is clear when He states that He came not for those who have their acts together but He came for the screwups, like you and I. His forgiveness is available to all who would choose to receive it.

Three steps:

1) Repent
2) believe it
3) receive it!

He meets you at the point of your need. As you step forward, He’s ready and willing to embrace you to His bosom, He’s the shepherd who will leave the whole flock undone, searching out the one mislaid sheep.

Will you come?